HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
