Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize