I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
