it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
