if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
