She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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