just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
