i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
