Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
