I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize