I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
