Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
