White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
