You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
