Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
