There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
