when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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