You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
