Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
