3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
