Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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