Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
