It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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