hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
