Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
