Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
