let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
