I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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