mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
