You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
