if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ladies don't puke and tell
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
