I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Randomize