i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
