And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
