Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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