i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
