I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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