can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
