did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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