my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
