I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
