Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I still have a little drunk in my system
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
