Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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