Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
