Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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