respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
