How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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