Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
