New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he thought i was a dude.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
