After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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