Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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