This is not my ceiling
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
