we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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