I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh god it's open bar.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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