i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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