We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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