...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
