my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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