Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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