Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
