Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
