I think I won the penis lottery.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
