is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
