I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
