i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Farmville is her only friend.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
