he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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