My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
