Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
third nipple confirmed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
