sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
