I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
