That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
