I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
