I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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