who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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