Plan B is the new Plan A
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
