loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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