It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
