guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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