You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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