You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i came on her dog
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
