I wish I could punch you in the face.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
