I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
