I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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