The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
