i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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