So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
