My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
