i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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