feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
